September 18, 2012

Sorry and Other Things That Matter

I'm taking a break from Bucket List updating because, well... because I haven't done shit. That's the long and short of it. I haven't gone to the gym, I didn't finish that horrible book for school, I have no job (consulting or otherwise), I. Haven't. Done. Shit.

Except working on the basement and attending my first weekend class which are respectively not interesting enough updates to warrant a post and does deserve it's own post which is brewing (a.k.a. I don't feel like writing it and it most likely will not get written until months later when I think "Oh shit! That's right...")

No, we're talking about philosophical life shit that matters today, people.

I just saw the movie "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World". It's a funny movie with a wide range of humor and a cute ending and cute puppy. Go see it. It will prompt you to have deep thought-provoking blog posts. Steve Carrell stars as an insurance salesman who has planned everything out with a safety net his whole life. The movie opens with him and his wife in the car on the side of the road, listening to an extremely urgent message- a meteor is set to collide with the Earth in 21 days, ending all of life as we know and don't know it. At the end of the announcement, Steve Carrell continues to stare ahead, aghast, muttering, "I think we missed our exit." He and his wife look at each other, she opens her door, and sprints off into the night, never to be seen again. The movie continues as you watch Steve and everyone else handling the news in their own way. Steve, naturally, takes the middle-aged, meek, White man comedic turn of drinking Windex and passing out in a park. When he awakes, someone has tied an adorable mutt to him and left a note on Steve's chest reading, "Sorry." Steve takes Sorry home and feeds him chicken pot pie while comforting his neighbor played by Kiera Knightley (I really don't care if I'm misspelling these names- it's not the point). Anyway, the majority of the movie is Kiera and Steve trekking across the northeast (with Sorry, of course) in search of Steve's high school sweetheart whom dumped him ages ago.

After the movie, the friend I went with asked what would I do if the world was ending in 21 days. My only answer was, "Get a dog."

And after further contemplation, that is honestly my only answer. I mean, I would like to get everything on my bucket list accomplished and build my dream house and build most of the furniture but I only have 21 days.

The point of being a sex therapist and studying BDSM was to help people.

The point of losing 10 pounds was to look better and be healthier for when I'm older and it would be more difficult to change my habits.

The point of getting a consulting gig was to prevent burnout which isn't going to happen since I a) don't currently have a job and b) am having my career cut short with the world ending and all.

All my goals are a means to make my life more enjoyable while I'm on this planet. Finding the man of my dreams and having that person there for the end of existence would be nice but since I clearly have no means of finding that person, I doubt my odds would vastly improve in the final 21 days of the Earth's existence.

Then there's also the upsetting realization that if I found that person, I cannot spend a lifetime with them. It would be like a cosmic tease that would, in the grand scheme of things, really suck.

One day, little furry friend.
But a dog? A dog has no fucking a clue a meteor is coming. All it knows is that you came into it's life and it was good. You can be there for each other and make each others' final days a little bit brighter. I would die knowing that I made Sorry (because, of course, I'd name him that) happier by being overly loving and affectionate for a few intense weeks all while getting to savor every last moment with a complete and total wrinkly dope who just wags his tail at my presence. I would adopt my dream Shar Pei from a local group and take him to all the places I loved over the years and all the people I care about and then we would end on Cove Point Beach, playing in the surf like we have nothing better to do.

Because, in the end, there is nothing better to do. There is nothing else on this Earth but to love and be loved. All the goals you "ran out of time for" or couldn't do were for your comfort, for your life. But as the external condition of time draws to a close, the only matter lies in the moments you share with others.

But the world isn't ending in 21 days. I'm still going to be a sex therapist and build a house, fix this basement, and maybe find a job. Everything else is within and between the times we plan which is why I try to always remember to be where I am.

And hopefully in a couple years, where I am will be Shar Pei-friendly

September 6, 2012

Dances With Boxes

Greetings from Virginia!

I moved backed into the parental's place on the 23rd. I'm not thrilled about it but I'm looking forward to some of the things I have planned (be where you are, people!).

Last Monday and Tuesday were nuts as I scrambled to finish paperwork for my internship and get ready for the final day on Wednesday. On Monday or Tuesday I got a lovely email from La Salle informing me that I had not paid my tuition for Summer semester. And since I have been able to see the bill since April, they slapped me with a fine. Oh, and since I attended classes with overdue payments, I got slapped with another fine. Since this past week has been so hectic I thought "Hell, this has been here for months- what's another week" and I am currently enrolled in two different schools- earning my masters and doctorate at the same time.

And to be honest, I wasn't even all that upset. La Salle has pretty much become the herpes of my life. One week into the program, I found out that Widener had a human sexuality program including a masters- that moment you realized you've made a bad life choice that you will now have to live with. Fast forward almost two years when I walked in the graduation ceremony (done the first time) but then returned to class the next week. The week after Memorial Day, I completed the rest of my mandatory work (done the second time) but still had a lot of work in my elective. Mid-July,  finished all my work (done a third time) but still had to go to classes. Beginning of August, I finished my classes (done again?!) but still had internship. Two weeks later, I submitted my paperwork (and again) but still had to finish out the required 50 weeks. Now I have finished internship, my classes, all paperwork, and have moved and yet I'm not done with La Salle. Fucking life herpes.

Meanwhile, my online course for my doctorate started on the 14th... which I didn't know until the 17th (oops! Off to a fabulous start). Luckily, the teacher didn't send the syllabus via email until the 15th and the course involves just checking in online in your free time so no one at Widener knows that I totally was not paying attention the first few days of class. So don't tell anybody. I finished ordering my books and, go figure, the one I absolutely need has not been sent out yet. Just. Fabulous. Meanwhile I've gotten some other books in like the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sexual Practices. They have a name for everything! Like sexual arousal to trees. Trees, huh? I guess that's where the term "tree huggers" came from...

And through all of this, I finished my internship. Like, I'm done, done. I finished most of the paperwork and left less than an hours-worth of work for my supervisor. At least I think/hope... Which was a huge goal for me since the last few interns that had left, two left tons of work for our supervisor and the third had to come in multiple days to get it all done. I wanted it done last Wednesday, no return, no leaving things behind. I ran around busy all day, even overcoming my focusing issues (you know I was busy if I could do that!). I worked even 10 minutes after we closed. Chances are, I could have managed my time somewhat better and gotten every little thing accomplished before we closed but I would've missed out on saying goodbye to wonderful people.

I really assumed that I was an intern and I was just "that crazy intern who will temporarily be working here" for my cohorts. During my last day, I had a handful of people whom went out of their way to approach me and provide card congratulating me, little gifts, and kind words. I was really touched especially those that encouraged me to reach out to them as references, if needed. It was very sweet and I greatly appreciate the fact that I was able to work with such fabulous people as a lowly intern!

Beyond these precious moments, Wednesday was terrible as I sat in traffic to and from internship and then came home to find that my Internet had been shut off prematurely. Oh wait, then my phone dropped the call when I was on hold. There may have been two minutes there where I sat on the bare floor of my apartment and cried because I was so stressed and tired...

Thursday morning was the big move and I fit everything into my car with some serious box shuffling. It's like Tetris but worse since some boxes have fragile things and others cannot be closed... and sometimes vaccuum cleaner attachments attack you.

And down in Virginia, the box shuffling continues. I'm almost done with Dad's Area and most of my time now consists of wondering how I can keep moving. It's infuriating because in order to pack all this crap on the pool table and in my bedroom, I need to move furniture A; to move A, I need to move furniture B; to move B, I need to move furniture C which is behind furniture D; to move furniture D, I need to move furniture A. Let's not forget that boxes, clothing, stuffed lions are all in front of/on top/weighing down/in the way of all these pieces of furniture.

I have become Dances with Boxes. I'd put another Kevin Costner reference here but I honestly haven't seen that movie in years.