Let's Have a Come to Jimmy Moment

You guys, it's time to address it. I know it's something that's been eating at us all and we frequently lose sleep over it-- whether you sit for hours pondering why or wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare about it. Then there are those times when you're hanging out with friends are they are all laughing and you just sit there thinking, "How can they laugh?" Then you cannot even focus on work and you go into the bathroom and cry heavy sobs... it's time to talk about this, people...

Jimmy Buffett

Specifically his song, "Escape" which is better known as the Pina (just imagine the little ~ over the n because I don't know how to make it on the computer) Colada song.

For those of you living under the rock for the last 30 years, the song is this guy describing how he is tired of his dull marriage and sees a personal ad saying, "If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain; if you're not into yoga and you have half a brain; if you like making love at midnight on the dunes of the cape, then I'm the love that you're looking for. Write to me and escape." Side note: yes, I write song lyrics using proper grammar. Get over it.

So, the guy responds that he likes those things and decides to meet up with this woman and run away with her. Turns out it's his wife and they fall in love all over again.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have a strong affection for some pina coladas and do not consider it beneath myself to belt this song when it happens to be playing and I'm drinking. I'll even sing it when I'm drinking something that ISN'T a pina colada. Blasphemous, I know.

And it may be my marriage and family therapist bias, but when I actually listened to the lyrics, I thought, "The fuck is wrong with these people?!" Seriously, you are bored in your marriage, and instead of, you know, talking to each other or maybe getting therapy, you select adultery and running away with someone you met because their personal ad was witty and rhymed as your life choice. Really?!

I'm dead serious, this song bothers me. Don't judge me, you know it's messed up too.

Another popular song that gets under my skin (and I DO NOT sing it) is "We Are Young" by Fun..

Give me a second, I need to get my story straight. My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State. My lover, she is waiting for me just across the bar. My seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar and I know I gave it to you months ago. I know you're trying hard to forget but between the drinks and subtle things, the holes in my apologies, you know I'm trying hard to take it back. So if by the time the bar closes and you feel like falling down, I'll carry you home...

And the song goes on to talk about how let's get wasted and party because we're young and someone needs to carry my ass home because I'm not perfect and have a severe alcohol problem that requires me to be carried home. And because this song was about partying, the song made top 40 and was played excessively, especially in bars.

... Meanwhile I looked around thinking, "Really? This doesn't strike a chord for anyone? We're all ok with idolizing this song? Really? Ok."

Like, the guy cannot even follow through with a solid apology for drunk-indused abuse. Shit is SAD.

With a combination of being a sociology major, which ponders how media reflects and influences our culture, and a human sexuality major, where we for some reason have many conversations on how our behaviors look ridiculous to people in other cultures, my brain goes off on this tangent of "What the hell will future generations think of the shenanigans we produce?"

I mean, Dusty Springfield talked about losing her virginity outside a church to preacher's son back in 1968 (a delightfully sacrilegious song) but it was consensual-- come on, who could say no to Billy-Ray?

But that's kinda of what the 60's were about. free love, civil rights, bomb Vietnam, defile the alley behind the church with the preacher's son and/or daughter! ... What? The 60s didn't have that last one? Well, there was still religious defilement from John Lennon who pretty much defined the 60s and he was in music so it still works.

It's also interesting to consider looking at male and female relational roles through history. I had to read a 30+ page paper on it for class last semester and there's no damn way that I'm rewriting that shit here... I also didn't retain the information enough to do so. The moral of the story was, relationships and gender roles tend to reflect the economy and various religious movements (mainly the movements of monotheistic, or one-god, societies conquering polytheistic communities). For example, before the Roman Empire really took off, they had a more male-dominated and possibly monotheistic religion. Then they started conquering all these other little communities that were farmers. The little farmers weren't banned together or really used to fighting so they fell. Also being farmers, they were into a more nature-based religion with multiple elemental gods where the seasons resembled birth and life (and death if you didn't watch yourself). Women were as valued in the culture as men because they resembled the main goddess, nature-- women give birth and life and if you didn't watch yourself, death. So the Romans come in saying, "Oh HEEEELLLL NO! We're not having these women trying to be doing shit." but they also wanted the communities to passively be taken over and not revolt. Solution? Zeus just got hitched to a lesser female god (reinforcing than heterosexism, there) and brought her fire and water and such posse to live with them.

Now, the research on this sounded flimsy but, like, consider King Henry the VIII (yea, I'm going to type "the" in there even though it's highly unnecessary. Get over it. I mean, why do we SAY it and not WRITE it? English is stupid). That economy was based on the monarchy, put-a-dick-in-charge system. So now women's roles were to have men (because she can help that and all) and her products are more valuable than her life (products, economy, get it?). And, well, that didn't pan out too well for a lot of women and the whole male system built around the woman being screwed up because she was jacking the dick-in-charge system.

Anyway, I was going to continue down that tangent but point is, economy = gender roles.

Then when we apply sociological understanding of media we get: media depictions of adultery and abuse and Nicki Minaj = our economy is getting beaten up by drunken lying donkey witches who we cannot understand why we keep giving money to because they're just going to run off and start anew. Ok, I threw Nicki Minaj in there because I cannot stand her. The one good thing about that person is that it gives me hope because you don't have to be good at something to get a shit ton of money.

We need to tell Jimmy Buffett to stop, people, or he can sing a song about how he sought therapy from me. I am down for either.

... I could also go for some pina coladas but I may abuse someone... probably Nicki Minaj.

Also, we need to ban the bottle.