October 10, 2013

Keeping the King of England Out of Your Face

Over a year ago, I wrote how health is the new religion-- people are super serious about it and will go out of their way to impose their viewpoints on you whether you asked for their input or not. It's hard to imagine that I wrote my post before Crossfit was a big thing because that shit has seriously kicked health up into a whole new level of my-God-shut-up.

But I'm not rewriting that post. I'm writing about how guns are the new religion and their devout followers are more antagonizing than Crossfitters-- which IS a fucking statement.

The title of this post comes from The Simpsons. In one episode, Homer purchases a gun and as he normally does, he becomes overcome with zeal and joins the NRA. After Marge has left for the SLEep-eAZY MOTEL with the kids, Homer has a NRA meeting at his house where he shows off using his gun to turn off the TV, open cans of beer, etc. Krusty stops him screaming, "Guns aren't toys! They're for family protection, hunting dangerous and delicious animals, and keeping the King of England out of your face!"

... Ok, obviously it's better to watch the episode. But the line is funny. I promise.

This post has been a long-time brewing as I have some Facebook friends fighting the man by fueling their one-man minute man militia with tons of guns (as many of them assault as legally possible) and gaining support against the gov'ment by posting copious references to pro-gun, anti-media, anti-government, anti-Obama, anti-liberal, pro-assault weapons, pro-government being run by the people,... pro-leprechauns, and anti-unicorns agendas.

I'll be honest, the messages are all extreme and excessive so I really have lost what their exact point is. I just roll my eyes, block from my newsfeed and move on with my life. And I also want to add, this is not EVERYONE who is pro-guns, anti-central government-- it's the asshats who go out of their way to force these viewpoints when I have made myself perfectly clear that I. am. not. interested.

In the last few weeks, I've also joined an online dating site. They ask a bunch of ridiculously random questions, provide answers, you select your answer and "your ideal match's answer(s)" then how important the question is to you. The website then gives you a percentage on how you and another person agreed on questions. Which makes no sense to me because with some of the questions, I want someone to answer directly opposite of me so that we complement each other but I digress...

One question asked "Which freedom is more valuable: the right to vote or the the right to own guns?" I selected the right to vote, clicked that my match should give the same answer, which is very important and commented, "If anyone selects 'the right to own guns', don't contact me whatsoever." Within FIVE minutes, shit you not, there was a message in my inbox of a guy arguing how we needed guns for when the government robs of us our rights, including to vote and yaddayaddayadda, something dictator-y.

Really? I could not have been more clear. REALLY?! I said DO. NOT. CONTACT. ME... REALLY?!

As you can see, I still cannot wrap my mind around this. You honestly cannot follow through with the simplest instructions? And because you went out of your way to not listen to me, I'm totally going to listen to you... *hinthint to anyone this fucking dense* NO. I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU.

Amidst my frustrated confusion, I cannot help but wonder if that is what is, well, wrong with these gun-toting, government conspirators-- it's humanly impossible for them to not follow directions so the one way to supersede the laws of our society is to label the government corrupt.

Now, I acknowledge I'm very biased by a privilege-- I grew up in Northern Virginia where a lot of the people I know work for the government in some way, shape, or form so I know that the government is made up of mostly good people and not blood-sucking Nazis. I also grew up with the knowledge that if a bomb was dropped on DC, I'm close enough to be in the blast-zone where my life could cease to exist at any moment. That's my reality, my friends; so any terrorizing threats here and abroad towards or from our government are really... not... terrorizing. I continue on with my life, hoping and believing in good in the world and in people and if I end up being wrong, I will no longer be here to be upset by it. So why waste my existence by worrying?

I'm not trying to be political in this post. I'm just saying that not always do you need to share your opinions, particularly when someone has deliberately told you not to. Yes, you have freedom of speech but you also have the right to not speak. Have a fucking enlightened moment where you sit there and think how I'm naive and ridiculous or whatever the fuck you think. Just because I'm not as assaulting about my viewpoint as you, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or doesn't have validity or needs your opinion to be forced upon it. In fact, forcing your viewpoints when I have asked that you not kind of sounds like what you accuse the government or the liberal media of doing... huh.

Finally, who the fuck uses social media to make widespread change at the individual level? Hasn't it been well established since the beginning of the Internet that any boob can post something online and that you should be wary of the information you receive on there? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ANY DIFFERENT? This is a blog for my smartass rants. It will probably yield some more fucking messages about the gov'ment trying to take mah freedums and gun R the anzer but really nothing will change. I acknowledge that... and actually quite glad that people don't take more stock in my nonsensical ravings.

And even though someone, I just know, SOMEONE will completely and totally miss my entire point of this post will try this again-- IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME BECAUSE YOU LOVE GUNS AND FEEL THEY WILL STOP THE GOVERNMENT FROM ENDING OUR LIVES AS WE KNOW IT, DO. NOT. CONTACT. ME. AT. ALL. To clarify-- I. don't. care. about. your. opinion. I will not listen and it will just piss me off and counter any point you are trying to make.

... keep the King of England and yourself out of my face.