January 28, 2012

Health is the New Religion- Something that Everyone Will Try to Shove Down Your Throat

While I was at the grocery store the other day, I saw that Paula Deen had recently revealed that she had Diabetes.

Who could blame her? I'd ride Robert Irving...

...in other news, water is wet.

Seriously, how is this news to ANYONE?! I once saw an episode where she was grilling chicken-fried steaks in foil on the grill. She bundled one up all neat, moving on to the second before she started freaking out screaming, "OMG I FORGOT THE BUTTER". Cue her tearing the packages apart to shove half a stick of butter on top of each flour- and egg-covered steak. In another episode, Paula went to a Krispy Kreme and was welcomed behind the scenes to the conveyor belts of fresh donuts as the local KK "Most Valuable Customer". Paula proceeded to help herself to the bounty by biting into 18 donuts so that they could fit into a 12 donut box while they came out of the machine. She took this and a normal dozen of donuts and proceeded to make 2 cakes out of them. Cakes. Made of Donuts. Was I really the only one who thought, "My God, Paula must go to the gym everyday to keep her figure from not going Jabba the Hut".

Don't get me wrong, Paula Deen is my homegirl for multiple reasons. Earlier this week I made a recipe of her's- Mozzarella-Stuffed Meatballs. Parmesan was mixed into the meat which was then wrapped around chunks of cheese. I knew that this was not a "healthy" choice- not remotely. But I wanted to try something different and continue to practice my culinary endeavors.

I also made banana fruit roll-ups for the same reason. It looked like a prop from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre or some other cannibal film, but sure was tasty. And I was eating bananas- something I typically do not do. Next time I may use Equal or something to make it somewhat healthier but now I know other kinks that need to be worked out in the making of process.

My point is, I'm in a personal exploration with food in general- "healthy" or not.

And quite frankly, I would be exhausted keeping up with the "healthy" trends. First eggs are totally bad then we find that they are somewhat good but in moderation then bad again unless you use just the whites. Health science is like every other science- it is not exact, we do not have all the answers. That's why I use "healthy" in quotations- the state of being healthy is ephemeral (i.e. fleeting. Victorious GRE word use!).

Last night, I went to pick up beer for a friend and myself. I grabbed my Mike's Hard Cherry Lemonade (which is awesome- I don't care how girly it is) and the Coor's Light and went to ring up. The cashier proceeded to tell me how one Hard Lemonade had the sugar and calorie intake of a Snickers. Out of instinct, I feigned amazement and then stated "Well, I walked into a beer store- I knew what I was getting into." Upon walking outside, I became pissed. Why did I fraternize with this man? I should have said, "Dude, it's a beer store- nothing that I would ingest in here is REMOTELY healthy."

And as I continued to fume about how this man totally ruined my bitch beer for me, I wondered, "There were plenty of people in that store- why was I selected to be privy to this fact?" I think it's because I was the sole female but that's for another rant on how sexist our culture is. Male or female- doesn't matter. Let me enjoy my shit. I'm not an idiot who thinks beer's GOOD for me. If you have too much of it, it directly makes you feel like shit where as McDonald's will make you feel like shit over time with excessive intake.Even if you were the simple bitch who misses this logic, your body will let you know- this shit is not good for you. Stop. Drinking. It.

But this happens all the time, people will tell you the "unhealthy" or "healthy" content of what you're eating. Because you clearly care. You clearly care that that item you are eating is ridiculously unhealthy and that's why you're not eating it... oh... wait...

Back off my shit. If I want to eat "unhealthy" foods, let me do so. Guilt trip me all you want for being a fatty- I'll just guilt trip you for being a dogmatic dick. I'm the agnostic eater. Respect my choice and I won't shove a mozzarella-stuffed meatball down your throat.

1 comment:

  1. Words To Live By:
    "life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit..... What a ride!