Rude.com: Technology Breeds Boobery (Part 2)

When I wrote "Social Dumbworking: Technology Breeds Boobery", I had no intentions of making a part 2 bash of technology but my latest trip to Starbucks has set me off.

...ironically, all this bitching is done via technology...

So, it's pretty official that I have Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Case and point- I should be doing paperwork right now. I've been trying different techniques to try and get my work done but nothing works. Last week I realized that I'm frequently distracted by everything I own.

     I look at my TV: I want to watch Alfred Hitchcock.
     I look at my bed: I really want a nap.
     I look at my kitchen: I should really clean those dishes.
     I look at my candle: I should burn that/blow it out.
     I look at the floor: Geesh, this needs to be vacuumed.
     I look at my desk: Are there any bills I need to pay?
     I look at the ceiling: What's the meaning of life?
     I look at my clock: Shit, I've had this document open for 5 hours and have put 3 words on it.

Ok, maybe I don't consider the meaning of life but the point is, I do everything on the planet BUT what I should be doing. Actually, it would be more accurate to say I think about doing everything on the planet but what I should be doing- I don't actually do anything because I'm "doing paperwork" which then occupies the majority of the day (we're talking 9-11 hours) and now the little shit I only kind of have to do doesn't even get done.

Without resulting to getting blinders that they use on horses, I decided to pack up and migrate to the promiseland that is Starbucks and on the first day, I got 15 documents completed in 8 hours. Boom. Productive.

Wanting to repeat the success from the week before, I dragged myself out of bed and returned to my chai mecca.
     Before I continue: I recognize that Starbucks is a public space and a coffee shop- not a book store or library
     or somewhere private- and therefore, those in the Starbucks have no obligation to make the environment
     optimal for me to do my work. It's not their fault that I'm too special to get anything accomplished in my
     own apartment.

I settled into an open table which was unfortunately under a speaker. Why Starbucks chooses to play weird-ass music, frequently in foreign languages, I don't know. But I quickly found out that music with lyrics in a foreign language is harder to ignore than those in English. This kind of sucked but whatever. Another girl was on the other side of the aisle, working on her computer with her headphones on. Again, no problem. Then I saw Russian Skype Guy return. Russian Skype Guy was there the week before and while he was there for the last 5 hours I was, talking via Skype most of the time, I left because he proceeded to get off Skype and scream, in Russian, on his phone for 2 hours. I kept holding out thinking that the conversation could not possibly go on longer and he'll hang up any minute but no, I had to leave before I punched him. This week, without fail, Russian Skype Guy settled in and immediately started screaming Russian into the phone for only 10 minutes. Meanwhile, girl with her laptop had taken out her headphones to go to the bathroom and returned to realize her headphones made perfectly good speakers and she did not need to wear them.
    Side note: Why would you bother to have your headphones plugged in if you're not going to wear them? Honestly, your computer has speakers for a reason. You are just ruining your headphones by blasting music and treating them as regular speakers. Further, if you want to play music so you do not hear anyone or anything else WHY WOULD YOU NOT WEAR THE HEADPHONES?
So now that Russian Skype Guy is screaming, we need to turn our headphones up louder and woman who was sitting in the corner who was only slightly loud is now screaming into her phone (which is now on speakerphone). Even when he gets off his phone and starts only talking loudly via Skype to an equally loud person, everyone has adjusted their appropriate volumes and hasn't bothered to turn anything back down.

Cue me slowly pulling out my hair and darting my eyes around at people like I'm about to have a Carrie moment where everyone's thrown against the wall via telekinesis. Btw, I learned from this experience that I unfortunately do not have telekinesis.

Seriously people, where are your fucking manners? If you and a friend were talking loudly in a public area, wouldn't you be aware of people glaring at you or would try to be quieter? Or let's look at this the other way- if someone was being loud and distracting you from whatever, wouldn't you be pissed?

So what the fuck makes you think I want to hear about your daily life while your girlfriend tells you about the bad date she had the other night. I'm planning on being a couples therapist and that is TMI. What makes you think I enjoy your music? I didn't drive to Starbucks thinking, "God, I really hope that chick comes in and plays her music." If I wanted to listen to your music, wouldn't I a) buy it b) have my iTunes on and c) have my headphones IN? I don't give two turtle shits about your conversation or your music, so keep them to yourself.

I don't get why you would have your phone on speakerphone in public to BEGIN with. Do you need everyone on the planet to hear about your business? Shit, why did the government even implement the Patriot Act- just go to the local Starbucks.

And this is not just Starbucks. This is everywhere. People do not know how to make boundaries with their technology. Just because you can do just about anything anywhere, doesn't mean you should. Don't text when someone's trying to talk to you. Don't use speakerphone unless you're by yourself. Don't have your phone on "So loud Helen Keller could hear it" in public. If you cannot hear someone, tell them or take the hint that you probably shouldn't be talking there.

Doing these things makes you the person who brings a baby into a bar. You look like an incompetent douchebag to all of those around you and you would totally agree with us that you ARE an incompetent douchebag if you were looking from our perspective.