For the past couple of weeks, I've been seeing far too many men complaining about how they're "good guys" and get screwed over/passed up/ignored. Granted, this goes both ways (males and females alike) and this pattern has been observed over the years but have probably come out of the woodworks more in the past few weeks thanks to Communist- excuse me- Valentine's Day (No I don't like Valentine's Day but I'll save that for probably next year). And generally it's "nice" guys crying about how they "finish last" or were "made bad" by some former lover so that's the example I'm going to use in this post to make it less confusing but I really do believe it goes both ways- excuse the hotmess sexism.
Anyway, I'm here to impart my learning and my thoughts on the manner in efforts to help out. It may not sound nice but get over it- I'm not a "nice" person.
Which segues into my main point- no one is "nice" or "bad". Everyone has these qualities to them. None of us are perfect (we're human, after all) and none of us are evil (although now I'm thinking of all the serial killers on Criminal Minds). And for the purpose of covering all our bases, let's say there are a teeny, tiny, maybe three people in the world who are 100% perfect or 100% evil. You're not dating or trying to date them. Promise. The chances of that are ridiculous.
But for those who still are committed to the idea of "nice" and "bad" boys here's why bad boys are typically sought after.
First off, it's a primitive instinct to go for those exuding the testosterone. a) It shows health. A healthy mate is a lifelong mate that can go to the store and get you cookies at the drop of a hat. And a healthy mate can do, uh, exercises for extended periods of time, which is nice because women take a little longer to, uh, exercise. b) It shows fertility. As much as I don't want kids, I'm well aware that others do. Testosterone means little swimmers and a lot of people associate a strong guy with strong swimmers- even though that makes no sense but it's just another pull for attraction. c) It shows strength which goes hand in hand with d) It shows anger. Again, think the primitive monkeys- a strong, angry ape isn't going to let just anybody waltz around his tree or his mate. There's the assumption that a strong, angry man will fight for me and only me. Plus, if there's a zombie apocalypse, who do you want to be with? Nice nerd or buff douche? Maybe both so you can have the nerd to sacrifice...
If we step back into this century and out of the biological, there's the social reason that bad boys play by their own rules. You can always depend on an asshole to be an asshole. Sometimes he's nice and you start to think silly notions that he has a "good" guy lurking in him. Then he's an asshole- whatttttt??? That's right. You can depend on an asshole to be an asshole. Always.
Also, with either feminine men or women (but we'll continue with women), there's this drive to nurture and care for things. The "bad" boy is literally a project- he needs to be cared for and fixed. And because I'm oh-so-special, I can do it! Where 20 bazillion women have failed to change him, I'm BOUND to succeed. I know it sounds stupid but it happens.
Having said all this, I must stress, you don't need to be an asshole to get chicks. Just watch and take notes on the effective things.
Think 40-Year-Old Virgin- that guy wasn't a jerk but he racked up the ladies in that movie using moves
from idiots, not all the women were winners, but his confidence boost helped him get the right girl. It may be
a hilarious movie but it makes a damn good point- rewatch it and get some chuckles.
1)You're too wishy-washy, Charlie Brown! Yup, I'm Lucy. Be who you are- don't change because you've got one girl on the brain. If she doesn't like you for you, it's not going to work out. Promise. Take a stand on things that matter to you. Again, you don't need to be a douche and insist your point is right. But don't waver just to flatter some red-haired girl who doesn't even give two turtleshits on the matter. I'm going to quote P!nk right now- "Do what you do, say what you say, mean what you mean when you say." Sing it, sister.
2) Treat me differently than other girls. A lot of nice guys will put 20 bazillion girls on a pedestal. That's a good thing, right? No. It's not. You need to find a girl worthy of your pedestal and will fight for it as you fight to be on her pedestal. Plus, if you hoist every girl up on a pedestal, you will continue to stand where you are- ground zero. No girl will date beneath her. That's just silly. You need her to hoist you up on her pedestal so you're both special to each other.
3) I'm not perfect, just like you. When "nice" guys find a girl worthy, they see them as 100% perfect. But let's revisit my initial point- no one's perfect. Please do not treat me like I'm perfect. That's a hell of a lot of pressure to be perfect 24:7. Plus, no conflict leads to no growth and thus, stagnant boredom. AND you bet your bottom dollar I do see all of your flaws which makes me feel like a jerk in comparison to you seeing me as perfect. You don't have to hate my imperfections, just see them. They're there. Promise.
4) Just because you're nice, doesn't mean you're right for me. What if the Little Red-haired Girl hates baseball? That's ok. It just means that Charlie Brown and the LRG were not meant to be. Remember making a jigsaw puzzle and you have a bump piece and a hole piece? Not every bump fits into every hole (my drty mind just died laughing). And just because you bring roses, or cuddle, or want to talk about your feelings, doesn't automatically mean you're the salt of the Earth for every girl. For example, I'm a fat kid and if I've had a bad day and you come over with chips and shut-up while I watch Alfred Hitchcock and eat the entire bag, you can probably hang around. You're different from other dudes so look for a chick that's different from other girls and matches you.
That will be 500 bucks, please (no, not 5 cents- inflation's a bitch).
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