50 Shades of Borrrrrriiiinnnngggg

Everyone and my mom have recommended that I read 50 Shades of Grey for reasons... I don't know, actually.

It's ironic that no one understands why I don't have any interest in reading the books (minus the people in my human sexuality program-- and for that, I love them so, so, so much) and I'm sitting there thinking, "Why the fuck would I WANT to read them?"

A similar situation happened with Twilight except it was less extreme because Twilight doesn't involve BDSM (actually, it qualifies as a straight-up abusive relationship but I try not to go into that with the women who are queer for this "romance"... seriously sounds like a Freudian problem though). With both series, women will introduce the books as being total crap writing but having some wonderful plot or perk of containing sex.

Ok, first and foremost, there's this thing called the Internet and the most highly searched term is "sex" quickly followed by "porn" and "free porn". Alright, you don't want to go into searching Internet porn and having it on your history, risking get a virus, seeing something you can never unsee, and potentially crashing your computer. I get that. But a) that doesn't mean that all of us what to navigate shit writing to access sexytime and b) if you use this reason for reading Twilight or 50 Shades, you're done judging people who do watch Internet pornography. You're either done or you're a hypocrite.

Second, I'm in a human sexuality program. I don't need the excuse of reading crap to access sexual material plus I like to think that my sexuality is not solely accessed through reading high school drama.

Which brings me to another point-- everyone claims to hate high school-level drama (here is where we could insert the random tirade of whoever tries to claim to hate high school-esque drama is full of shit because they are usually the purveyor of said drama) soooooo why would I want to read it? Even if it does have sex in it, wouldn't I want to access something that doesn't have the drama attached? Oh wait, that's porn. There's no drama in porn... just sex (See? That free Internet porn is looking better and better, isn't it?).

Finally, what the hell do you do when you read this shit for the sex? I mean, I know what people do when they watch porn (I even know what you're doing if you're watching porn in a human sexuality class-- analyzing the behavior and your emotional response). But what do you do when you read drama-filled sex? Do you really sit there envious? Are do you walk away frustrated with your sex and/or relationship because your partner is not some abusive dick protecting you?

Side point: you know that enjoying an overprotective dick for a partner is like feeding misogyny, right? Can we just put that out there? You actually want to be lesser/incompetent beings. Seriously, there's no other way of slicing this-- you are advocating and swooning over patriarchal themes that you KNOW are written badly. And by further reading this crap for the sex rather than just going out and having sex or outwardly activating your sexuality through pornography, you're continuing the gender stereotypes that maintain a misogynistic culture. Just throwing it out there.

Pretty much.

And men are guilty of the book recommending nightmare that I experience too. Several guys have suggested I read the Game of Thrones series. First off, the TV show is epic-- why do I need to read 700+ pages a book to re-ingest the same material? Second, the shit is 700+ pages a book-- file that under not fucking happening. Third, my big struggle when reading Shakespeare (besides being written in ridiculous) was that I couldn't keep track of the characters, especially if I couldn't pronounce the names. So people became their first initial, "Ok, that's P-something." Then after about 4 Fs on quizzes, I realize there are 3 different P-somethings. No wonder the shit didn't make sense. And while watching the show, I've joked around with my friend that they needed to slap name tags on these people which includes all their nicknames. Like poor Peter Dinklage. Everyone in the show is a dick to him and calls him "the Imp" and that's all I know him as. And then you have about 12 hot brown-haired males approximately in the their 20s and half of them are some dead dude's bastard son. I cannot keep up with that shit. Moral of the story-- how am I supposed to keep up with these people when reading if I don't have the visual information of what the person looks like?

I'm not reading Twilight, 50 Shades of Bullshit, or Game of Thrones. You know what I read? I read articles for my dissertation or books to improve myself as a therapist.

Because of this, I noticed a couple months ago that there isn't a single thing I read that I do not take notes on. It is exhausting and makes reading even less enjoyable than previously thought (which is saying something because I cannot stand reading, it takes too long-- which actually should be the primary reason why I wouldn't read any of these series). So I decided I needed to start reading information that is completely and totally useless but interesting enough to hold my attention. The only other subject that has ever held my attention for an extended period of time was serial killers (I used to want to be a criminal psychologist). So, after some digging around online, I found a book that was written by a criminologist but watered-down enough so that I'd understand it since I've never taken a criminology course.

I've gotten through the book impressively fast for me and as of last night, I don't want to read it anymore (but I've got 30 pages left, so I'm going to power through it). Most chapters I'd finish reading in one night and then would think, "What the hell was that chapter about?" The whole thing is written in stream of consciousness and doesn't go into details on many things. Further, the book is repetitive and somewhat dramatic in places. The straw that broke the camels back that made me totally done with the book was a paragraph I read last night which gave very incorrect information. I became so mad that I was able to call this well-renowned author and criminologist on his bullshit in a topic I know nothing about.

But that's when I realized-- I don't think I can read anything but the things I take copious notes on or find challenging. I just have no patience or respect for it which fueled me to post this explanation to everyone whom INSIST I need to read certain series.

I'm still looking forward to that book on Ed Gein, though. Crazy bastard.

Plus, a book nor my imagination has this level of foxiness, rendering it boring.