ANYWAY! Go see the movie, it stemmed those "What would I do if my life were ending soon?" thoughts I covered in a previous post so I won't hash that stuff out again.
Onto this post--
Earlier today, I was dishing out my advice which is becoming more and more fleeting and my friend, whom was listening, remarked, "And this is what she does as a therapist." I laughed and automatically responded, "Honestly, the techniques I learned have been super helpful in my social life but otherwise, the degree was useless." It was laughed off as a joke but I was really struck by what I had just said. That was the truth. Like, more honest than I have been with myself truth. And it was entirely unprovoked.
The last few weeks I have been truly disappointed with my masters. I thought this was the easier route to a job than human sexuality and that the information would help me leaps and bounds on how to work with couples. As I'm applying to couples therapist jobs, I recognize that there is a good chance I will screw myself over in another interview because I don't know dick shit about couple therapy. Even some of the marriage and family therapy models are fading in my memories as they were never commit to my brain for tests. I have couple therapy books I'm about to read because it's required for one of my spring courses in my doctorate but I cannot help but wonder, "Then why did I get that degree again?"
I've been searching for some meaning to satisfy my questions as to why I just spent 2 years and a shit-ton of money for credentials I don't even bother to put at the end of my signature. It was my statement today that I recognized, "Maybe the only point was to learn those techniques, grow as a person, and keep walking through life." So what did I walk away with?
- don't give advice
It would be interesting to sum-up how much of my life I have spent doling out free advice whether the person asked for the advice or not. What would add a new layer of depressing to it would be to compare to the sum number of times someone followed through on that advice. Ironically, learning this reality has made receiving unsolicited advice all the more infuriating. I want to give the advice to the person to take there advice and stuff it in their fucking holiday turkey.
- sit on it
In connection to the above, there's frequently a time when I want to say something, but I've learned to just sit on it. In the past, I felt that this was dishonest and would eventually share what is on my mind. I'm still not sure if it is dishonest, but there has truly been times when saying something allowed social interactions to continue to be painless for everyone involved. There is a time and place for everything-- sit on something if you feel you should even if it seems like your head will explode.
- reframe
Reframing things for myself has become my saving grace. I'm not sure if it gives me excuses (except when I reason procrastination as "self care"-- that's definitely just excuses) but I also know that it has helped me to sort of pack things away in my mind and help me sleep at night.
- my gut is on point
I have a sixth sense for the most bizarre things-- peg the occasional exact line of a chick flick or criminal minds episode; knowing if I will attend a social event or not (ie will the other person bail); etc. I've also gotten more in touch with my internal reactions which allows me to muse over things until I fully understand why I'm having certain internal expression happening.
- the most childish things are unfortunately the most helpful things
Why do we teach kids to count to ten or take deep breaths when angry? Why did we practice simpleton "I *feeling*" statements in 6th grade? Why do we harp on kids to make a colorful schedule of their activities? Because the shit works. I've started practicing these things in life and every time I get a little frustrated that the methods work and I haven't been doing them since I was 5, when they were originally taught to me.
- take the victory when you can and just because you didn't take it yesterday, doesn't mean you cannot today. Don't wait, just do it.
Be where you are. Carpe the fucking diem. You're human and you're not perfect so take what you can get and if you get more of it, awesome, take that too.
And when all else fails, assemble your thoughts into words because while you may have a faint picture of what you learned in your masters which is collecting dust, memories fade like pictures but words are concrete and once they are said or written, the imprint is made and you can continue to remind yourself with a simple list of why you bothered with the degree. You did not know these things without the experience that provided this information and for that, the experience was worth it... even if it doesn't find you a job.
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