Venturing Into The Further

So this week I'm using a vague movie reference. But for those of you who have seen "Insidious", yup, this is the same Further. For those of you who haven't seen it, The Further is like this alternate plane of existence that just has lost souls wandering around. These souls are mostly those who have been exorcised so uh, let's just say that that being at the DMV in The Further would literally be Hell. Not nice citizens in The Further.

Anyway, the rest of the populates are temporary wandering souls from this plane of existence. It's complicated, I won't go into it. But the moral of the story is, the movie Insidious is scary but has plenty of ridiculousness in it so that you can make fun of it and get the vaguest amount of sleep later that night.

Of course, my friend and I made fun of it and still got no sleep.

We were joking about how they characters were referring to "The Further" like it was some ominous grocery store or something. "Oh, I'm just going to go into The Further now." So since we've seen the movie, we'll frequently refer to things like a nightclub as "The Further".

Now you get the title, fabulous, on to my equally incoherent post--

For those of you who do not know me well, I'm a planner. Like, I plan out ev.er.y.thing. My apartment is the epitome of tedium that no one notices but me (which is probably for the best).

• Every movie and TV show are alphabetized. Except Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Batman & Robin which are placed in that order. They are also in APA formatting. For example, the older "House of Wax" is before the newer "House of Wax" and same with "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". "Super Troopers" comes before "Superbad" because nothing always comes before something in APA.
• My clothing is arranged by formal v. casual, year-round v. seasonal, sleeve length, requiring undershirt or overshirt, color, and pattern.
• The glittered pine cones I have out for winter decoration are arranged in the exact way I want them.
• My remotes are lined up in order of frequency of use.
• And extra creepy details include- all the food in my kitchen has the nutrition facts facing away. My liquor bottles are arranged in a certain pattern that incorporates color, height, and brand. The cubicles containing my DVDs seem to be in random arrangement on my shelves- trust me, they're not random.

I could continue with my list of little details I spent copious time on but that would be ironically copious. But my thinking is, a place for everything and everything in it's place. Once I find the perfect home for this object, that's it. I don't put anymore thought into it because it goes back to that spot. Judge me all you want- I pretty much always know where something is (and when I don't know it's because I've been unable to find a good spot for it) and I get plenty of compliments on how "clean" my apartment is. Little secret- it's not clean at all! It's just organized. Bwahahaha!!!

As you have probably already assumed, my tedium doesn't stop with my apartment, it continues on throughout the rest of my life. I have a plan A, plan B, and usually a plan C and frequently a plan Z (as in "If all else fails" plan). But recently, my life has not allowed for this.

I applied for my doctorate program and I'm still waiting to hear back. This news will determine so much. Not only will it dictate what I will be doing on the weekends for the next 4 years but whether I need to reapply elsewhere. Since the program is the only of it's kind, I have NO IDEA where I would apply. In addition, I realized the other night at the night club (yea, my brain is going 24:7 with the oddest things) that if I do not get accepted, I don't have enough credit hours to get licensure which is what I plan on working towards starting in the Fall, regardless if I get into my doctorate program.

I have not started looking for aforementioned clinical work. So I have to start the job hunt. Except if I do not get into my doctorate program and need the final 12 credit hours to get licensure, I will probably stay here, in Philadelphia, for another semester. So how can I apply for a job if I don't know where I will be living?

Meanwhile in my social life, I'm currently dating casually and it's been... horrifying. And it's not like the guys have been insane mutants or anything, I just don't get along with them (could my insanity listed above be a clue?). And with some of the things I wonder if I'm being petty but then I think "Well, if I feel I cannot be myself around them- why would I pursue this?". Then my nonstop brain starts going again and I start doubting a lot of my decisions, concerned about where I'm going.

There's more examples of chaos going on, but those are the biggies.

Hopefully I don't run into anyone like this but you never know with The Further- it's a tricky bitch.

I'm going into The Further, people (see, I'd get back to that at some point).

And I guess I'm ok with it. It's good to dabble a little with ambiguity and learn how to survive it, right? But it's so against my nature, I'm freaking out a little bit. I feel as though I should be working my way out of this ambiguous nonsense- form a plan A through Z if need be but just make a plan! (Ha- pun)

So in this moment, I'm trying to ride it out. Around the same time last year I had a mid-life crisis (which at the age of 23 is just plain neurotic) and pretty much lost my marbles trying to fight it. In hindsight, that was a bad life choice and I should've managed better. So now we're trying this route.

I'm sure you'll hear how well THAT goes in the next several weeks.